♥ · paper · hearts · and · acid · rain · ♥

It's funny, in a scary way, when two people get together, they grow together but yet the relationship reaches a certain point where it seems as though neither of the two know each other well at all. More often than not, too many misunderstandings, which are not handled and resolved in a proper manner that bring back recurring stings should/when a similar situation arises.

They say, familiarity breeds contempt. This phrase is too often used that it has somewhat become a cliché. But we can't deny how real and relevant it is. We are all human, no matter how much we reassure a person, not just our partners, that we are appreciative of what he/she has done with words, we forget that it is all too easy to fall into a pit hole of being overly comfortable. When we fall into that pit, it is so dark, that we can be almost certain that we are blinded by words. Yes, we can say that we are appreciative and really mean it with all our hearts, but we too, need to show it. I am not going to bring up another cliché phrase, you all know what it is.

Besides not being assertive enough in reassuring of how appreciative we are, being too comfortable allows our emotions to take control of our thoughts, actions and speech. It causes us to be over-sensitive over very little things; things that probably didn't matter at all during the start of the relationship.

Are these the beginning of a dive to the end of a relationship? Can it be salvaged?

It is a terribly difficult task to be level-headed and rational all the time, especially so, when having to deal with our own fluctuating emotions.

So, I try to rationalize with myself and reflect on my words and actions at best I can; like this (sometimes). I am no saint. I am human. I err too.

It's always easy to say "I love you" during good times. But it's the bad times when it becomes tough. It isn't easy lowering your pride to say it. I don't know what it is, but it takes so much more than just love.

I've got so much to say, but my mind's a mess. 

It was not easy at all, being rational. It is not easy being the person who has to disregard your own emotions, to think clearly, so that whatever the situation is, the outcome of it steers the relationship into the right direction and not head to be a sinking ship. That's why there's the saying "it takes two to make a relationship work". But of course, it is easier said than done. It is always difficult to find a balance in everything. How do you say for certain that it is balanced? Should the giving in always be alternated? How can anyone possibly do that? Would it not then equate to keeping scores? Plus, some situations are more grave than others and maybe more so to one than the other. Then what?

j'ai beaucoup plus à dire, mais je suis fatigué. Je vais dormir bientôt.

...

Je devrais commencer à "blogging" en français.

Saturday's training was good. Although the run was short, I took forever to get back to the courts. Somehow I think running alone gives me more motivation to run all the way without stopping, or perhaps I told myself that the run was short to keep me going. Anyhow, besides the circuits that we did after the run, I didn't think that training was intensive at all. Maybe I wasn't feeling lethargic that's why. While doing some drills while the NSL players were having a separate set of drills, there were times (and during other training sessions as well) that I wanted to tell the other team mates about runs and passes, mainly to the newer players. However, I feel inadequate. Like who am I to correct them when I am far from fantastic myself? Honestly, I really felt that during the drills, we weren't exactly putting our best and maybe I felt a little annoyed. But like I said, I feel inadequate and I don't want to appear bossy and annoying. I don't know.

Anyhow, during training, while practising my shots, Jane came over to practise hers too and she said to me that actually my shots aren't bad at all (and that I would have to work on my timing a little more), and if I were to play like how I do during trainings, I would be fine. But somehow I just can't get over the whole mental thingy. The only barrier I have is my mind; the way I think. Perhaps if I were to think more positively, I would play better? Perhaps..

Netball aside, I just read A Thousand Splendid Suns. The book is amazing. It is touching and it felt real. As I read, it's as though I was being transported to Kabul, Afghanistan itself. I could literally picture the scenes in my head. They were sad yet moving and heartwarming. The trials that the Afghan women have/had to go through are/were really heartbreaking. It made me realize how strong the Afghan women were; to be able to withstand such inhumanity. I daresay they should command the greatest respects from everyone all around the world.

Anyone who hasn't read the book, or wishes to read it but haven't gotten down to doing so, it is a definite must read. It could possibly be life changing.

So, it's back to reality when I get back to Singapore tonight. I can't believe that I have to take more than half a day to get back to Singapore from Korea. Never again will I do transits unless neccessary, and especially so to never transit at a place that has nothing at all. I doubt there's any free internet place at Qingdao. I tried searching for it the last time, but to no avail. What sucks more is that my mobile's wi-fi is being crappy. Sigh.. Anyhow, it was/is quite an experience. Lesson learnt.

Wow, I just realised that I can look out to the.. What do you call that? Hangar? From where I'm sitting. Day has broken and it's beautiful. I shall head over to my gate now. Going to board real soon.

Can't wait to see my pancake face tomorrow. Eggcited! ^^

Toodles!